The Hogwarts Weekly
by ducky-doll
Summary: *Issue Two* An entertaining, rather comical newspaper written by the main characters of Harry Potter. A colloboration between various talented ffnet writers- this is definitely worth a read! Please R/R and tell us what you think!
1. Issue One

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----The Hogwarts Weekly----

October 3rd

Staff:

Editorial, Just Ask, G.O.S.S.I.P., News Flash: _ducky-doll_

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Letters to the Editor, Classifieds: _hermioneharry4ever_

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Charming Charms: _silverdragon_

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Hogwarts On Broadway: _NiKiTa-G_

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News Flash: _princess*n_

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News Flash: _Chelle (not penname)_

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Spotlight On...: _Calistal_

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Intern: _apostophe_

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Editorial:

Welcome to another *cough* wonderful week at Hogwarts! I am your friendly editor, Hermione Granger and due to the popularity of the previous editions of The Hogwarts Weekly, we're back and this time with a much bigger team! This time, we're going to cover a whole range of activities, events and plans on the Hogwarts Calendar and our staff have been busy delving deep within our school to bring you the best scoops as fast as they come! Please congratulate everyone for working so hard (yes, even our Gossip Queen Parvati) for I know you'll be as pleased with the final product as I am. Though I had doubts at the start for how well a bunch of students would be able to co-operate on a project such as this, I have been proven wrong and now to present to you... The Hogwarts Weekly!

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Hermione Granger, 5th Year Gryffindor

Editor

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Letters To the Editor: ( These are taken from the last issue of The Hogwarts Weekly) 

Mudblood-- Can you tell Lavender to Cut the ****? She's being annoying as hell. But I suppose it is better than hearing your hand shooting up in the air to answer a dumb question. Oh, and before I forget. Don't forget to brush your two front beaver teeth! Hahaha! 

- Whatever

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[ An Editors Note-- Malfoy, Can you remember when you got cursed five times at the same time last year? Well, if you don't stop it, You'll wake up with curses similar to those, and in the Hospital Wing!] 

Lavender-- I loved the Make-Me-Over article! I followed every one of your tips, but someone still called me ugly and fat? Do I weigh that much? Oh well. 

- A Slytherin. 

Hermione- Tell Lavender the Oliver Wood is MY man. She has a certain black haired boy with glasses to fuss over! Remember-- Oliver Wood is my man! 

- Parvati 

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[ An Editors Note-- Paravati, I'm not playing telephone. Go tell her yourself. You are only around her twenty- four /seven!] 

Hermione-- It's fun to use " Ask Hermione" for my entertainment! You still need to give me the answ... uh, help me with my homework! It's much more better than working on that Spew stuff! 

- Your favorite red head.

Hermione-- I love Harry! Can I have his picture? You should have his picture! When I just got the newspaper I went to the Quidditch section, and almost died of unrequited love! I know he loves me, so it'll be ok to give me his picture! I promise. 

- Hannah Abbott.

_[ An Editors Note-- Why ask me? I'm not giving Harry Potter pictures away! If you want a picture, then maybe if you'll go away and leave Harry, then you'll get one. Now, stop bugging me about the Harry Potter pictures! I have none to give away, and I'm not a photographer, but a friend of Harry's]_

Hermione-- Please, please get Parvati back! I miss the gossip circle! I mean where would all of us be without the gossip that we live on!

- A gossip queen.

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News Flash:

The Hallowe'en Ball  
That's right everyone- it's nearly Halloween which means it's nearly time for the annual Halloween Ball! Last year's Ball was a complete success- everyone had an amazing time and the dance skills shown (particularly by Fred Weasley) were very impressive!

So where and when? Well the Ball is going to be on Halloween (obviously) and will start at 7:00pm in the Great Hall, which may I add, Professor Dumbledore assures me will look pretty spectacular itself. The dresscode is fancy dress and rumour has it that there will be great prizes awarded to the best dressed or more likely, most creatively dressed... think back to a couple of years ago when Oliver Wood came dressed as the latest model broomstick... complete with inflatable Puddlemere Player on top... ah you have to miss the guy. *cough*

Anyway, as I was saying... the ball is not to be missed and if you do, I will personally come and hunt you down! Can't wait to see you there!

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Michala Bloom,

7th Year Ravenclaw

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The Quidditch Match ~ Gryffindor vs. Slytherin  
The first Quidditch match of the season was Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. Since Oliver Wood graduated (sadly), he left the spot of Keeper and the position of Quidditch Coach and Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team open. Ron Weasley is now the new Keeper of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, and Harry Potter is the Captain and Coach. Also, since Marcus Flint graduated as well, Draco Malfoy is the new Captain, and a new girl, Cleema DeRatero, is the new chaser. 

  
The match started quickly. Gryffindor scored a goal 4 minutes into the game. A minute later, there was a foul because Fred or George Weasley hit the bludger directly at Draco's face. "It was a mistake, honestly," Fred or George Weasley said after the game, although with a wide grin. 

Anyways, back to the game. 10 minutes later into the game, it was 50-0 for Gryffindor. Ron Weasley did some spectacular moves and was blocking it very well until a bludger hit from Slytherin hit him in the face, which ended up with another foul. Gryffindor scored yet again and finally Cleema scored, bringing the score to 60-0. Finally, 30 minutes into the game Harry Potter dived in for the Snitch ~ or was he? Draco Malfoy followed him down, but it ended up that Harry Potter had pulled a WRONSKI FEINT! 

Harry Potter then did a spectacular loop and made a left towards the end of the pitch to the Slytherin posts. He was flying with tremendous speed and caught the Snitch in a blur. He cried, "I'VE GOT THE SNITCH!" and the match was over! 

Gryffindor won by an amazing 210-10. Afterwards, when asking for a comment from Malfoy, he just spat on the ground and walked away. Ron Weasley called, "DON'T SPIT ON THE GROUND! YOU'RE MAKING IT MORE FILTHY!" which started the festivities for their tremendous victory. Let's hope that they continue this kind of play and they win the House Cup again!

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Nicole Reczek

4th Year Gryffindor

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Potion Explodes!! 

Today in Potions, fifth year Gryffindor student Seamus Finnigan blew up his third potion of the term. This time not only were his newly grown eyebrows singed off again, but with his varnish removing potion, he turned Professor Snape's hair green. 

Professor Snape, who by all accounts was livid, penalized poor Seamus fifteen points toward the house cup and gave Seamus two detentions. Many Gryffindor students disagreed with the harsh punishment but Seamus said that it is worth it to see Snape with green hair.

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Ginny Weasley

4th Year Gryffindor

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Hogwarts on Broadway:

Hey guys, yes its me Madalina! 

Well most of you wouldn't be aware of this yet but... 

HOGWARTS IS DOING A MUSICAL!

Yes, that's right, our school has taken the plunge and a group of us 'muggle born' have organised to do a Hogwarts rendition of 'THE WIZARD OF OZ' 

I assume most of you guys wouldn't have a clue what 'The Wizard of Oz' is all about so I am going to give you a basic outline of the play/musical.

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Basic Story Outline

The play begins with the main character Dorothy and her dog Toto, being caught up in a twister and her house being transported to the magical 'munchkin land'. There she meets the good witch of the north 'Glenda' and all the Munchkins that live there. Glenda tells Dorothy that, when she arrived in their land her house fell on top of the Wicked Witch of the South and killed her. The Wicked Witch of the West arrives at Munchkin land and tries to get the ruby slippers that once belonged to her sister (The Wicked Witch of the South) but Dorothy now has them, and she has to protect them by never taking them off. To get home Dorothy has to follow the yellow brick road to Emerald City, but she is followed by the Wicked Witch of the West and has to try and escape from her. Along the way she makes friends with, Scarecrow, Tinman and the Cowardly Lion, who eventually help Dorothy, escape the Wicked Witch and get home to her family.

The following is a list of the Characters you can audition for.

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Main

-Dorothy (sing, dance, act)

-Scarecrow (sing, dance, act)

-Tinman (sing, dance, act)

-Cowardly Lion (sing, dance, act)

-Glenda the good witch of the north (sing, act)

-Wicked witch of the west (act)

-The wizard of Oz (act)

-Toto (umm...bark?)

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Extras

-Munchkins 

-Emerald City residents

More Characters will be announced at the auditions that will take place -

THIS FRIDAY AFTER DINNER IN THE GREAT HALL! 

All interested please be there on time. 

Hope that I will see YOU there!

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Madalina Blackmore

Gryffindor 6th year

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Charming Charms:

Enchantments, spells, hexes, magic tricks - whatever you may call them, they all fall into the same general category, and that would be CHARMS!

I, Sarah, will be your CHARMing (this will be the last time I EVER ask Professor Flitwick for advice on jokes!) personal guide on this magical journey, delving deeper into enchantments than even the darkest corners of the Standard Book of Spells series dare to venture. Prepare yourself to uncover the secrets of the naughtiest charms, the funniest charms, and even the charms deemed 'unsuitable' for school textbooks.

Since my introduction to the magical world, I have been fascinated by the vast diversity of universally-practiced charms available, and have often found that there is nothing more entertaining than sitting in an empty room with little more than the bare necessities of a spell book and a magic wand (although its always nice to have the company of several chocolate frogs), and experimenting until your wrist physically refuses to "swish-flick" any longer!

I thought I'd start off with something easy, because not everybody is born with the innate talent to wreak havoc with the mere flick of his or her wrist.

One afternoon I was wandering aimlessly around the library when I came across a tattered old spell book from the RESTRICTED SECTION, that had been left lying around. Whilst flicking through, a certain spell caught my eye… Now, I really shouldn't be spreading this around, but any charm that allows one to HEAR THROUGH WALLS is far too good to keep all to oneself! In fact, I should drop my voice to a whisper as I say that this charm counteracts the common soundproofing spell, which surrounds most of the common staff haunts around Hogwarts; namely areas such as… THE STAFFROOM!

Are you itching to hear Professor McGonagall dish the dirt on Professor Trelawney? Do your gossip glands salivate at the sound of Professor Sprout ranting about which first year she'd like to bury up to his neck in compost? If so, read on…

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CHARM NAME: Sneaky Ear

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DIFFICULTY RATING (out of five, where one is easiest and five is hardest): 1

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YOU WILL NEED: Your wand

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WHAT TO DO: Stand outside of the room you wish to eavesdrop on, preferably in an inconspicuous position where you will not be disturbed (or caught!). Tap gently and rhythmically on the wall of the room with your wand, whilst reciting the following words: "Eustacious Partitio".

The sound barrier created by the wall should immediately dissolve, leaving you a clear earway for whatever was going on behind the wall… This charm may also come in handy for eavesdropping on parental conversations at home, and also scandalous late-night gossip sessions in your neighbouring dormitory! 

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Warning and disclaimer: I cannot take any responsibility for any problems incurred (e.g. exploding walls), injuries or ailments (e.g. being knocked unconscious by the bricks from the exploding walls), or even for any post-traumatic distress incurred as a result of the nature of what you may overhear… Always remember, eavesdroppers never hear anything good about themselves!

Yours charmingly (until next time),

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Sarah Pumpkin,

6th Year Ravenclaw

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Just Ask:

Welcome to 'Just Ask!' This is your personal adviser here, Hermione. Well it's another week which means another week of trauma, depression, love-struck students and of course, another round of pathetic, mindless questions that I will endeavour to answer to my best capabilities! To start the ball rolling...

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Mudblood,

There's this really annoying girl who won't leave me alone- reminds me of a cross between a hyena and a donkey. What should I do?

-The Almighty Sex God

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Draco, do you seriously expect me to answer your question when first of all, you addressed me as 'mudblood' and secondly, when you addressed yourself as 'the almighty sex god'. I don't think so.

-Hermione

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Hermione,

Hi, it's me again. You mentioned in response to my last letter that I should decide for myself whether I want to risk the friendship or not... but I can't! I'm in love with her but I can't risk losing her. Help! Is there any way I can possibly find out if she feels the same way without actually telling her?

-Still confused and depressed and now nervous

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Dear Still Confused and Depressed and now Nervous,

Does she have any friends you're close with? Why don't you ask them? Or hint at 'so who do you fancy right now?' (quite casually). If you're still stuck, you can always confide in me, and I'll do my best to find out for you.

-Hermione

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Miss Hermione,

Why do girls always have to stuff up perfectly fine friendships by deciding they fancy their friend? It always happens to me and it's not fair!

-Anonymous

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Dear Anonymous,

I have no idea.

-Hermione

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Hermione: I um... am in a rather authoritative position at hogwarts and have influence over students and their success. I feel a moral duty to prepare them for the rigors of life, however, my intentions are often misconstrued as acts of cruelty or even vengence. While I accept this burden quietly, I do at times wish the students, other than those in my own house - who are at least intellegent enough to have acertained my motives on thier own, understood my reasons for being 'challenging'. You have demonstrated a modicum of intelligence in the past, perhaps you could illuminate your more moronic classmates.

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Yeah right... perhaps YOU could illuminate my moronic classmates yourself. This is an advice column, not a 'Your-Wish-Is-My-Command' request column. Pfft!  
-Hermione

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Hermione: I have a best friend who constantly refuses to help me with even the smallest of favours. All she ever does is tell me to do it myself, all I wanted was to just look at her potions essay. could I maybe look at your's instead?   
P.S. I know who Harry likes.

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I think your friend is a very smart person. Perhaps he/she and I would get along well. As for the essay? I don't think so buddy.   
PS. I don't care who Harry likes.

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Hi Hermione,  
I have a godson who constantly injures himself fighting You-Know-Who and playing Quidditch. How could I make him stop?  
-A long haired man

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Hi Snuffles,  
Quite simply... you can't. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.  
-Hermione

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Dear Hermione,   
I really really really like this guy. He's really cute, and he plays a lot of Quidditch although he likes other things as well (I hope), and overall I really like him. But I don't know if I should ask him out since he's concentrating more on Quidditch, schoolwork, Quidditch - and...did I mention Quidditch? What should I do? I don't know how he'll respond!   
From,   
You-Know-Who

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Dear You-Know-Who,  
First of all, I commend you on your 'excellent' choice of nickname.  
Secondly, I want to know why people think I can read minds and tell them whether the object of their affection returns the feelings. I can't. Get over it. You think I don't have love-life crisis' (I don't but I do have my own problems... for example not being able to borrow the book I need in the library because somebody ELSE didn't return it!)   
Moving on from that though, try asking him out- what have you got to lose? The worst he could do is say no and if the guy is as good as you make him out to be then he wouldn't be that insensitive.  
-Hermione

Well that's about all the questions I have time to answer this week. Don't worry, there will be plenty more next week and don't forget, if you have anything you need answered, don't hesitate to leave it in a review!  
Until next time,  
  
_Hermione Granger_

5th Year Gryffindor

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G.O.S.S.I.P:

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Gossip. Rumour or talk of a personal, sensational or intimate nature.

I, Parvati Patil, Queen of Gossip, Lady of Gryffindor and Princess of Fashion present to you... G.O.S.S.I.P! My weekly contribution to The Hogwarts Weekly (Still can't believe I got Hermione to do the advice section!)

In this column you will learn all the truths about what really went on this week at Hogwarts! As I have such a high status in the school grounds, I've managed to delve into all the most scandalous issues of the last few days and even better, found out who started some of the not-so-true rumours!

Did you hear about Harry fancying the pants of a lucky Hogwarts girl? Colin Creevey, self-proclaimed president of the Harry Potter Fan Club, has started a betting pool for who the lucky lady could be. Odds so far are as follows:

Cho Chang 2:1

Lavender Brown 3:1

Parvati Patil (That's me! May I remind you that I am the only witch to have been on a date with Harry) 5:1

Ginny Weasley 5:2

Lisa Turpin 6:1

And one stray vote for Seamus Finnigan

With the vote on Seamus in the Harry's Queen Runoff, one wonders if he rides his broom side saddle or not.

An interesting piece of paper happened to cross my path yesterday in Muggle Studies. It was from a certain editor of the Hogwarts Weekly sending it all the way across the room to Lavender Brown, close associate to yours truly. From memory, it read:

'Hi Lavender,

I need help getting ready for Hogsmeade this weekend. What colour should I wear? Purple or green?

Thanks!

-Hermione'

Now, what I would like to know is when did Hermione and Lavender become so buddy-buddy? More to the point I'd like to know since when did Hermione want to start colour co-ordinating herself? Last time I checked, she didn't care what she wore because there was nobody to impress. What's brought around this sudden change? I must believe that there is now somebody to impress? Anyone have any ideas on who this fellow could be? Perhaps I should start a betting pool for Miss Granger as well? 

On a more confirmed note, a certain pair of Gryffindors were spotted outside just before Charms class last Wednesday... snogging!

Ladies and Gentlemen, it was Angelina Johnson and Fredrick Weasley! Though there are no surprises there, everyone was beginning to wonder just how long it would take these two. They've been dancing around each other since anyone could remember and it's about time they got their act together. What's next instore for the cute little couple? Another swingin invite to the Halloween Ball? They can dance the pants off each other (literally!)

While we're on the subject of Weasleys... the youngest one Ginny, has confessed to having a huge crush on Harry Potter, who seems to be making quite an appearance in the Gossip ranks this week. However we already knew that Ginny rather fancied our star seeker, we're not too sure whether she still does. What do you think? Maybe when she picked up his quill for him last night in the common room she meant to ask him out too? Maybe she was just being nice?

There are too many maybes! I want answers! If you have seen or heard anything out of the normal (or even just the normal that you can spice up as much as you darn well want to) just leave it in a review and I'll delve into it myself and get the real deal!

Until next week, have a good one and remember 'G.O.S.S.I.P is the best!'

Keep reading!

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Parvati Patil

5th Year Gryffindor

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Spotlight On... Fred Weasley!

Hello and this is Calistal. I am a reporter, and I am doing 'Spotlight On...'. I interview people here at Hogwarts. This week, I am interviewing Fred Weasley.Yes, thats right, one of the famous, or not so famous,depending on on who you are, Weasley twins. Here we go...

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Calistal-Now Fred, I know you are used to always being considered as a twin but, do you ever wish that you weren't a twin?

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Fred-Well, not really. It's alot easier to suffer through punishments when you have a brother to make do all the work...*grinning* even if Mum finds out about it.

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Calistal-Well, that is certainly a good thing. Off that subject, what was yours and your brother's best prank?

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Fred-Well, that would have to have been the time we took Mrs. Norris and gave her a potion that made her gold and red, and that also made anyone that touched her turn gold and red, and not be able to stop singing the praises of Gryffindor...that was really funny.

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Calistal-Oh and would I have loved to have seen that. What was _your_ best prank?

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Fred-_My _best prank? Well, lets see. That would have to have been the time I charmed Snape's chair. He came in the next morning, sat down at the Head Table, and a bucket of water was poured on him. If that wasn't enough, shampoo was being lathered into his hair, and he couldn't do anything about it. Then a muggle water hose came out of thin air and sprayed him down. Best prank I've ever pulled.

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Calistal-*wiping tears out of eyes from laughing* Oh my God! *snort* Can I get a memory picture of that after the interview is over, Fred? 

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Fred-I don't see why not...

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Calistal-Thanks. You're an angel, Freddie-boy!

Fred-Wow, I don't think anyone has ever told me that before. Sweet! Well, whats the next question?Keep 'em coming. I'm missing Potions, Snape was furious...it was very funny!

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Calistal-Yeah, well...HEY! I'm supposed to be asking the questions around here, you big fluffy teddy bear!

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Fred-.......

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Calistal-Um, did I say that out loud?

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Fred-I know that no one has called me a big fluffy teddy bear before...

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Calistal-Okay, now I must tell you something...

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Fred-What is it?

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Calistal-I...*mumble*

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Fred-What was that? I didn't catch it.

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Calistal-I said that I...forgot to take my medication and I really didn't mean to call you a big fluffy teddy bear...

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Fred-Oh well then. I guess you had better go and take yor medicine and I gotta go to Transfiguration...

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Calistal-*shaking Fred's hand* Well, thanks for letting me interview you. It was a pleasure.

Thus ended my interview with Fred Weasley, the big fluffy teddy bear. *Fred comes in* "I am not!" *Fred leaves* I did get that memory picture, it is very funny. Okay, I'm leaving now...See you next week when I interview Hermione Granger. That should be fun...*wanders off*

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Calistal Potter

6th Year Gryffindor

Classifieds

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For Sale: 

4 slightly used heavy MAROON jumpers. Only worn once (on Christmas) varying sizes. Contact Ron Weasley, 5th year Gryffindor 

Harry Potter's broken watch. Anyone want it? It'll be an official artifact when he dies! Contact Colin Creevey for this artifact! 

Transfiguration tests. Copies of the transfiguration tests for the last 6 years (she can't keep make up new questions EVERY year). Contact Fred and George Weasley, 7th year Gryffindors

One pair of sneaky old pair of socks. Works good on keeping Sneakoscopes quiet. Contact Harry Potter to buy. 

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Help Wanted: 

Tutor for Potions. Must be smart or at least good looking. Help me with potions essays and such. If you're a girl and good looking, that will help. No bushy-haired know-it-alls who won't share their homework need apply. Contact Ron Weasley, 5th year Gryffindor 

Needed-- A helper! Anyone who is over fifth year may help. Must be caring, brave, non-violent, and loves animals! You must have good grades to apply-- in order to skip class. I need a boy and girl who'd love to take the position! No seventh year red-haired twins are wanted! - Rebeus Hagrid. Care of Magical Creatures professor. 

Someone to Date Hermione! She stays too much in her books! Plus, Parvati and I need some time in the Dorm without her being there to ridicule us! Perfect Ideal person-- Someone whose funny, interesting, and the MAIN POINT-- YOU NEED TO KEEP HER OUT OF THE DORM! Contact Lavender Brown OR Parvati Patil. Gryffindor Fifth Years

Services Offered: Pictures taken - I will take your picture for you (I will try and get you with Harry Potter) Contact Colin Creevey, 4th year Gryffindor. 

Need a Tutor? No need to look around for one! I tutor in every subject, just not flying. I will not give any answers to Ronald Weasley or Harry Potter, so don't ask! - Hermione Granger 5th year Gryffindor

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Wanted!!! Any volunteers to work on The Hogwarts Weekly. Must be able to string a few sentences together, in English preferrably. If interested in writing a column for the paper, please contact the editor, Hermione Granger at this e-mail address: ducky_doll@hotmail.com

All help greatly appreciated!


	2. Issue Two

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----The Hogwarts Weekly----

October 10th

Staff:

Editorial, Just Ask, News Flash: _ducky-doll_

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Letters to the Editor, Classifieds: _hermioneharry4ever_

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Hogwarts on Broadway: _NiKiTa-G_

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Charming Charms: _silverdragon_

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G.O.S.S.I.P., Classifieds: _apostrophe_

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Spotlight On...:_ Calistal_

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Prank of the Week: _Juvenus_

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News Flash: _Chelle (not pen-name)_

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JOKES: _Kat097_

  


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Editorial:

Welcome to the latest edition of The Hogwarts Weekly! Not much has been happening around here in my opinion however others would care to differ (primarily named Gossip Queen Parvati) so I'll let _her_ inform you of the going ons. There will be a few changes to the newspaper this week, a few new articles, a few old, a few completely gone... this is most likely to happen every week for the staff seem to like changing around a bit (kind of like the staircases).  
Anyway, wishing you a great week from all TWH staff!  


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Hermione Granger

5th Year Gryffindor

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Letters to the Editor: ( October 3rd Newspaper) 

Granger- That's a lie about the scores of the Quidditch Match- Gryffindor Verses Slytherin! In the paper it said 210-10 to Gryffindor! I'm telling you it's a lie! I swear upon my wand, it's a lie! The Slytherin's got 100 points! - Pansy Parkinson 5th Year Slytherin 

[ An Editors Note- Pansy, no, the Slytherins didn't get hundred points. I was there in the stands watching the game, and I only saw one goal made by the Slytherins. Perhaps you should go to the hospital wing. You might have something wrong with your memory.] 

Hermione- About the Quidditch Match- I need help with what a Wronski Feint is. I'm a muggle-born, and when I asked my friend, who is a pureblood by the way, about the Wronski Feint is, she said, " WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A WRONSKI FEINT IS?" And that made me feel real stupid. - Ally McPerson. 1st year Hufflepuff 

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[ An Editor's Note- Ally, I hate to tell you this, but I'm not that good at Quidditch terms either. You might just want to check out " Quidditch Through the Ages" in the library, or ask your friend. Maybe she'll calm down to tell you what a Wronski Feint is. I'm sorry.] 

Hermione- I would appreciate you to not post my 'mistake' in potions up in this newspaper where everyone could read it! I've already got two detentions with the slimeball- uh, I didn't mean that! I meant Professor Snape! Oh no, he's going to punish me for saying that he was a slimeball. Oops, I did it again! - Seamus Finnigan 5th year Gryffindor 

'Ermione- Do yeh think that I'll be able teh get Fluffy the part of being Toto in teh musical? He'll be able teh bark. - Rebus Hagrid Care of Magical Creatures Professor 

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[An Editors Note- Hagrid, you can try, but I don't think the director wants a three-headed dog in a play.] 

Mione- I've got a beyond brilliant idea! How about you have Malfoy be the wicked Witch of the West in the play! He'll fit the part! He's mean enough! -Ron Weasley 5th Year Gryffindor 

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[An Editors Note: Ron! How many times do I have to tell you! Don't use this newspaper for your own entertainment! Urgh! And I'm not in charge of the musical, so I can't pick who get to be who in the musical!] 

Hermione- Please get the next part of Charming Charms out! I loved the Sneaky Ear! I found out so much information! Like how Professor Snape likes Professor McGonagall, and sleeps with a teddy bear at night! Uh-oh did I say that out loud? I have to go and hide from a certain teachers waft. - Terry Boot 5th Year Ravenclaw 

Ms. Granger- If that stupid Ravenclaw opened his mouth, then delete his letter! Also, detention for giving me crappy advice! I hate this paper! Everything is leaking out about me! - Professor Snape Potions 

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[ An Editors Note- Uh, Professor, you can't give me detention for giving you bad advice. I looked it up in the Library.] 

Parvati ( Not you Hermione) I would like to bet on that certain editor. I know who she likes! I know who Harry likes! I know who Ginny likes! - Anonymous

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News Flash:

A Visit From the Past

Yesterday the First Year students were lucky enough to recieve a special visit from a past Hogwarts student and now full-time employee at the Ministry of Magic. Percy Weasley, also known as one of the older Weasley siblings, paid the school a special trip and gave the First Years what Professor Dumbledore called 'a motivational talk'. In it, he spoke fondly about his own personal memories from his time here, what he'd done since graduating and his plans for the future. The talk was a definite success even though a few of the Slytherin boys pretended to fall asleep half way through it. This didn't stop Percy though and he kept going like a true professional. At the end, he signed autographs. 

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Gemma Torres  
1st Year Hufflepuff

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Halloween Ball UPDATE!

This special note comes to you from Professor McGonagall:

I would like to formally announce a Halloween ball to commence at 8:00 on October 31st. Entertainment will be provided in the form of 'Six fingered Bert and the Chicken', who will play music in various genres. All students 4th year and above may attend. Those under fourth year may attend as the guest of an age-eligible student. 

In a break with tradition, this year's ball will be of the 'fancy dress' variety. Those wishing to wear costumes are encouraged to do so. For those students unfamiliar with Halloween costumes, you may dress or disguise yourself as a famous personage, a monster or animal, or even a piece of fruit. As an additional bonus, a contest for the best costume will be held with judging to happen during the ball. Students may win house points in each of the following categories:

1.Best Costume (originality)

2.Best Costume (design)

3.Best Costume (representation)

While this event may be viewed as a chance to forego convention somewhat, let me remind students that you are expected to present yourself with a certain amount of decorum. Any abuse of this privilege will result in punishment in the form of loss of house points and possible detention. If you have any questions regarding any of this please see your prefects.

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Professor M. McGonagall

Deputy Head-Mistress

Weasleys Caught Out (again)

Everybody's favourite Weasley Twins, Fred and George have been caught out again for illegal potion making and using. This time, the pair were found sitting in a corner of the restricted section of the library just as they were about to drink small flasks of a strange purpley-maroon coloured sort. The potions were taken away by Professor Snape himself for testing whilst the twins had to serve three detentions plus have 30 points taken from Gryffindor... each. The outcome of the event however was what they would have called 'worthwhile'. The whole scene had been a setup for they knew it would be Professor Snape doing the testing- what the potion REALLY did was cast whoever attempted testing it into a fluffy pink poodle. After not seeing Snape for two hours, the twins knew they'd pulled it off and even their fellow Gryffindors are convinced the loss of housepoints was worth the sight of Professor Snape in poodle form. 

"We would never ever drink a potion WE'D made," explained Fred later on after the event.

"Exactly," agreed George (who I noticed to be sporting a new hair cut). "Besides, who's stupid enough to use a potion in the LIBRARY! What if it blows up? What if it goes wrong? For crying out loud, the library is the LAST place you go for spell casting!" At this point in time, the twins were ushered away from the press by an unhappy looking Professor McGonagall. Fess up Prof, we know you thought it funny too!

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Michala Bloom

7th Year Ravenclaw

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Colin Takes a Dive  
Colin Creevey took a nosedive into the floor Monday evening when he heard the disturbing news that Divination Professor Trelawney predicted Harry Potter's death (for what seems like the tenth time this year) in the Gryffindor's' class earlier that day. Harry didn't seem too disturbed by the news, as Trelawney seems to predict his death every other week. Harry was heard to mutter: "This is getting rather old," after Trelawney "saw" the future in her crystal ball during class. 

Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown had looks of horror and pity on their faces as they walked out of class behind the apparently soon to be deceased. The two were talking about it in the Gryffindor common room later in the day and the President of the Harry Potter Fan Club overheard and was so disturbed that he fainted dead away. Colin Creevey, a fourth year Gryffindor, was taken to the hospital wing where he has since recovered consciousness, and has been given some chocolate by Madame Pomfrey. Madame Pomfrey says that Colin should return to classes tomorrow in good health, but that Harry better be prepared to have his number one fan follow him everywhere. 

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Wizards' World Fair  
The Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, has announced today that there will be the first annual Wizards' World Fair to be held during the month of May of this year. He seems very excited and optimistic about the huge event that is meant to bring all wizards of the world together. The location for the event has yet to be set, but Cornelius says that will be determined in the next two months. When asked about the first Wizards' World Fair the leaders of the other countries were reported as saying that it is a brilliant idea, as not only will it unite the many different cultures of the wizarding world, but it will also show that He Who Must Not Be Named is no more. Bryan Price, wizard who works in Diagon Alley, says: "This is a hot topic in all the pubs, many people are split as to whether this is a good idea or not. Me personally, I can't wait to see all the attractions. I hope there's a HollyWollyGolly there!" Young wizards all are excited for the fair. Many hope there is a Dragon flight booth, as the attractions have yet to be set, the youngsters will just have to wait and see.

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Hogwarts On Broadway:

Hey guys, yes its me again already! 

Well, well, well. Let me start off by saying, a big THANK YOU to everyone who came to the first set of auditions, myself and the rest of the team already involved felt that everyone did a great job, and It looks like it's going to be a fantastic performance. 

At this stage everything is going along fine, but unfortunately…the casting list wont be up until next week…sorry everyone, but sometimes in show business things like this happen. But for your reading pleasure, the wonderful giant man that we all love, kindly came to the auditions and took some notes on people performances, and with the notes he formed a few 'predictions.' (Ohh..by the way I was told by Hermione to tell everyone who MIGHT be confused the giant man I was referring to is Hagrid. But seriously, like you didn't know…how many giant men are there around Hogwarts? Anyway...here are the predictions) 

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Predictions 

Dorothy- Lavender Brown 

Tin man- Hermione 

Scarecrow-Ron Weasley 

Lion- Colin Ceevey 

Toto- Draco Malfoy 

Toto understudy- Harry Potter 

By Hagrid 

Hmm...well there are rumors that the person Hagrid predicted for Toto is right and others are saying that Ron Weasley is giving Lavender a run for her money for the part of Dorothy. 

Well, we shall find out, all in good time my pretty's! hahahahaha!

Hahaha.... ahaha...*cough*...yeah umm..its in the play..hehe..Heh..Hah. 

Till next time 

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Madalina Blackmore 

6th Year Gryffindor

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Charming Charms:

Is it time for another article already? Wow, time really flies when you're NOT having fun worrying manically about end-of-year exams… Ah well, rest assured I'll pass my Charms exam with a high enough mark to balance out the diabolical one I 'foresee' in Divination!

Before I begin properly, I would like to clarify AGAIN that I will not be taking ANY responsibility for anything that might happen to you whilst attempting to perform the spells published under my name! So to the nameless idiot (Draco Malfoy!) who ended up unconscious, and with a rather attractive brick mark on his forehead, you can forget trying to report me to Professor Snape again this week!

Apologies for that rant, and further apologies for any more which may sporadically pop up in the course of this article - I am suffering from an extremely bad headache due to excessive consumption of… umm… very non-alcoholic lemonade on a very…umm… innocent evening out in Hogsmeade last night.

Where was I? Oh yes… Sarah Pumpkin here again, with yet another charm to keep you amused with. Be warned, this week is a toughie, and takes an awful lot of concentration. So if you're about as focused as George Weasley in a Herbology lesson, I warn you now, it may be in your best interests to skip to the next article!

This is one my cousin in the army taught me. He said he found it particularly useful when he awoke finding he had overslept, and faced barrack inspection in the next ten minutes. It's also really useful for pretending you've tidied your room so that your parents won't ground you, or something to that effect…

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CHARM NAME: Illusory Tidiness

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DIFFICULTY RATING (out of five, where one is easiest and five is hardest): 4

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YOU WILL NEED: Your wand and a duster (or any piece of cloth will do)

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WHAT TO DO: Taking the duster, quickly polish your wand. You don't have to be able to see your face in it; it just has to pass for relatively clean (I'm not entirely sure why you have to do this - if anybody happens to know the answer I'd be most interested to find out). Once this is done, close your eyes and concentrate very hard on your room being clutter-free. For example, think about being able to SEE the floor (unlike mine, which is covered in DADA notes), and imagine the mess just evaporating into nothingness. If you have a messy room this will take a LOT of concentration, and you're likely to feel mentally exhausted afterwards (it might be a good idea to have some chocolate nearby in case you feel dizzy). Now that your room is clean in your mind, hold your wand above your head, pointing at the ceiling and chant "Clutter disappear, leave it all clear!" Admittedly this is a little tacky sounding, and very Sabrina-stylé, but it works! For anybody who looks into your room, it will appear totally free of junk. Although the rubbish will still be there, nobody will be able to see it, not even yourself!

The spell wears off after about an hour, but by that time you will hopefully have escaped grounding, and be out doing something fun.

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WARNING: There are only two risks of this charm. Firstly, ensure that you ONLY imagine the rubbish disappearing - if you accidentally wish your bed away, questions might be asked. And speaking of beds, it might be an idea to pile all your rubbish on top of something like a bed/ desk/ bookshelf before executing this charm, because although invisible, things will still actually be in their same place, and tripping over a pile of invisible books might also get you into a bit of trouble with the parents for being a deceitful little so-and-so. Unless of course you can convince them that they're going mad, and that they tripped over their own feet…

By the way, I meant to mention in my last article, that if there is any particular spell you would like me to cover, please let me know - I love a challenge, and some extra research on my part certainly wouldn't hurt… Also, anybody who needs a hand with their Charms homework, I would be more than happy to answer questions left in reviews (or just come up to me in the corridor sometime - Lonica Adams, I hope I was of some help with your 'Cheering Charms' homework!)

Yours charmingly,

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Sarah Pumpkin

6th Year Ravenclaw

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Just Ask:  
  
Hip Hip Hooray. It's that time again for Just-Ask-A-Particularly-Bored-And-Fed-Up-Hermione-About-Silly-Melodramatic-Problems-In-Your-Ridiculously-Muggle-Soap-Opera-Like-Lives! Can't wait...

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Hermione,  
Yeah it's me again. I just wanted to say thanks for helping me with your last answers to my questions. I think you'd make a really good counsellor or something. I've decided to ask my friend to ask her whether she'd ever see me as more than a friend. We'll see. Thanks again!

-No longer confused

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Dear No longer confused,

I'm very happy that you're feeling better now and I'm glad my advice helped. Counsellor? No way, like I could put up with this all the time! (Not that I didn't mind helping YOU out)

-Hermione

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Hey hermi  
Let's say a certain green eyed,jet black hair seeker decided they like you what would you do.  
By the way he has great personality!  
oh and why would you want to know what you should wear to hogsmeade?  
OH by the way do you know any cure for freckles?  
-Chelle

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Hey Chelle,  
What's with the 'Hermi'? Nobody has ever tried that one on me before (don't). If a certain green eyes, jet black haired seeker decided they liked me (with a great personality) then I would say 'why on earth does JJ Wockhurst of the Woolongong Warriors fancy me?' (That comeback took a long time to research- but I thought it was good.)   
Why do I want to know what I should wear to Hogsmeade? I don't know- ask Parvati- she seems to know everything about my life.  
Do I know any cure for freckles? Yeah, stay out of the sun.  
Hope this helped!  
-Hermione

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What was the answer to Question 913 B on last year's 4th Year Potions exam? 

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Yeah... sure... I remember THAT question!

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Hi Hermione,  
Uh well I never pictured you as an advice columnist, kind of reminds me of those old lady magazines like 'Today's Witch' and stuff but I suppose I could give this a go eh? You see, I have been 'sort of' going out with this guy for AGES but we always always always end up fighting over the tiniest tiniest tiniest things! What should I do?  
-Angel  
  
_Hey Angelina,  
You think I ever pictured myself as an advice columnist either? Well here I am! You and Fred, what can I say? Maybe if you listened listened listened to each other a bit more often then things would run more smoothly. You always seem to jump to conclusions (both of you) at the slightest things and you're right, the argument are always over such small things. Good luck.  
-Hermione  
PS. Please don't compare me to 'Today's Witch' or 'A Good Witch's Life' or 'IN2 W' or any other similar magazines. I loathe them._

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Hello Hermione,  
My boyfriend is being such a git around me and I don't know what to do. It's like he's trying to humiliate me where ever we go.  
-She  
  
_She,  
Did you ever possibly think that perhaps he IS trying to humiliate his donkey cross hyena girlfriend?  
-Hermione  
  
_**Herms,  
Please, please, please let me see your Herbology papers? PLEASE! (I'll give you half of the chocolate iced with sprinkles donut I have)  
-Your favourite person in the whole wide world, Ronald Weasley  
  
**_Ron dear,  
As appealing as the thought of your chocolate iced with sprinkles donut is, I'll have to pass thanks.  
-Hermione  
  
_**Hermione,  
What do you think of all the names you get called for being so bookish and how do you handle being picked on all the time? Doesn't it get annoying?  
  
**_How do I handle it? Well to be brutally honest, I don't because it doesn't bother me. If people want to make perceptions of the person I am without actually getting to know me first then that's their loss- I haven't lost a friend or missed out on knowing someone great because those sort of people aren't great and they're not wonderful friends. As far as I am concerned, being 'bookish' is a compliment because in the end, it will be me who gets high marks and aces the exams and the not so bookish people won't. When it really comes down to it, we spend a whole 7 years at Hogwarts and after that we leave, some of us will never see other people again and we have the rest of our lives to have more fun and get our heads out of books. So for 7 years out of our entire lives it doesn't hurt to buckle down and concentrate on being able to make the most out of the rest of our lives.  
-Hermione  
  
_That's all the questions I recieved this week, weird huh? If you have any more you'd like answered, don't hesitate to leave it in a review!

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Hermione Granger  
5th Year Gryffindor

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G.O.S.S.I.P.

Of course everyone is buzzing about the Halloween ball! Yes, I'm here to confirm that Hogwarts will be having a Halloween ball. Unconfirmed rumors suggest that this will be a fancy dress (or dress up) ball with prizes for the best costumes. Don't know about this one, I'll get back to you when I know more.

Who will be going as who (_editors note: whom)_, what will everyone dress as, and just who is the entertainment going to be? Well faithful readers, I'm here to tell you the answers to all of your questions. 

Rumor has it that famed musical guests 'Six fingered Bert and the Chicken' will be playing at the ball. For those who don't know who they are, (and what cave have YOU been living in?) they are famous for playing any type of music known. From acid rock to funeral dirges, Gregorian chants to show tunes. The latest gossip on the WWN had them stuck in the outback somewhere outside of Melbourne working on their next big hit. 

It seems Fred and George Weasley have managed to wiggle out of detention for their latest prank of giving Mrs. Morris bunny ears, by agreeing to publicly apologize for all of their past pranks. So look for that sometime soon. 

So who will be going to the ball with who? (edit.: whom) I've heard that a certain red headed Gryffindor has set his eyes on a certain blonde haired with the initials SB. Apparently he found out she collects chocolate frog cards and has 2 of Agrippa. 

And of course we all know that a 5th year Gryffindor with the initials NB still likes GW but hasn't figured out how to ask her to go to the ball with him (again). 

Of course, after last weeks issue with Colin Creevey's betting pool, the most buzz is about: Who is Harry Potter taking? Well faithful readers the race has heated up. While I don't know if Harry has asked anyone yet, I do know that if you ask him about it he gets positively snitty. Harry was seen talking to a rather pretty Ravenclaw earlier this week, but he denies asking her to the ball. He also has been seen with Ginny Weasley a lot lately, but she has said it has something to do with a diary or something, didn't make sense to me whatever it was. Anyway, the betting now stands at:

Cho Chang2:1

Parvati Patil (Yah! Go me!)2:1

Ginny Weasley 3:1

Lavender Brown 4:1

Mandy Brocklehurst6:1

Lisa Turpin6:1

Padma Patil7:1

Angelina Johnson (who already has a date - come on people think!)10:1

Seamus Finnigan (I'm pretty sure Harry doesn't play for that team - not to sure about Seamus though) 25:1

In late breaking news: WOOD RETURNS! Oliver Wood, past captain of Gryffindor's championship Quidditch team, is returning to take his long time sweetheart Samantha to the Halloween ball. Oliver has been playing Quidditch professionally with Puddlemere United's reserve team since graduating, perhaps this would be a good chance for an interview, hint hint?

As always, let me know what you see, hear, suspect or wonder about. And to add a little spice to the column, can anyone guess what G.O.S.S.I.P stands for?

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Parvati Patil

5th Year Gryffindor

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Spotlight On Hermione Granger

Hey All! It's me again! Well, like I said before in my last 'Spotlight On...', I now have an interview with Hermione Granger. Yes, that's right, right here, right now, our favorite bookworm(no offence Hermione), here to answer all of _my_ questions. By the way, next time, if you want me to ask the next person a question(the person I interview next) just send them to me in an e-mail at Calistal@Weasley.zzn.com. well, here we go again, Lord help Hermione and you people...

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Calistal-Well, Hermione, it's nice to have you here with us today isn't it you little purple penguins...

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Hermione-........

Calistal-Okay, well, this time I completely humiliate myself with the first words out of my mouth. Forgot my meds again. *takes out a bag of powdered sugar and downs it*

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Hermione-Now, I know you were talking to the people reading this, but I AM NOT A BOOKWORM!!! Just because spend most of my free time in a library reading, does not make me a bookworm!

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Calistal-Um, Hermione? 

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Hermione-What?

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Calistal-Did you know tha you just completely gave me the definition of a bookworm? *snicker*

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Hermione-Oh bother! You are worse than Ron!!

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Calistal-Should I take that as a complement?

Hermione-No, you should not!

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Calistal-Well, okay, thanks! I love complements!

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Hermione-*glares while turning red* 

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Calistal-EEP!

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Hermione-Run very fast...

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Calistal-Well, can we first finish the interview? I really need it for 'The Hogwarts Weekly.' It is you're responsibility as editor to make sure we journalists get our stuff in on time. I would really hate to start over. I dearly wanted to interview such a wonderful editor. Please?

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Hermione-Why, thanks! Hey, don't try to wesel out of this one! You will get it afterwards. I know some pretty nifty jinxes.

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Calistal-Oh really? That's nice. Well, first question. Why do you go to so much trouble helping Harry, especially when he is only trying to cause mischief?

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Hermione-Well, he is my best friend, and I really don't like them getting caught...

Calistal-Oh, that makes sense. Okay, next question. Who do you have a crush on?

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Hermione-Why, of all the things! I will not answer that idiotic question. *hmph*

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Calistal-Well, I can deal with that. Okay, well, have you always been a bookw...um...a smart person interested in books?

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Hermione-No, not really. I used to be a cheerleader. I hated it after a while. Did you always want to be a journalist?

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Calistal-No, I really wanted to be a lumberjack, leaping from tree to tree...sorry, I've been watching too much Monty Python (which by the way I don't own). Well, kind of. At first I wanted to be a bird...um, nevermind.

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Hermione-I love Monty Pthon. It is such an awsome show! I like the 'Spam' skit. The best one ever...um, that was a bit strange of me, but that is an awsome show!

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Calistal-AH! I know the 'Spam' skit is awsome! Oh, back to the questions. What did you do with Rita Skeeter?

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Hermione-I, well, kind of, kept her in the jar and then I set Crookshanks on her. Of course I made sure the charm so that she couldn't change back was still on her. Crookshanks loves bugs. Especially nosey little bugs...*mumble*

Calistal-Well, I'll give this interview to you as soon as I get it proofread, ok, 'Oh Great Editor of Mine?'

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Hermione-You still have to run, though.

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Calistal-Well, okay. At least let me write my ending part, letting the good people out there know who I will interview next week.

Hermione-Well, okay then. Hurry.

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Calistal-Say good-bye to the dear readers!

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Hermione-Good-bye to the dear readers!

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Calistal-Joking doesn't suit you.

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Hermione- *hmph* What d you know? *shakes Calistal's hand then walks off*

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Calistal-*shakes Hermione's hand and watches her wait by the door on her*

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Well I've got to make quick. Hermione's waiting to kill me. Well, next week I'll be interviewing Harry Potter. So, get those e-mails comin to me!!!

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Calistal Potter

6th Year Gryffindor

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PRANK OF THE WEEK!

Helllloooooooooo Hogwarts!

It's your very finest prankers here, saying how proud we are of all you troublemakers! Today's tip is to buy Zonko's very own instantaneous multi-changing hair powder! It'll work wonders! 

We've got a fellow pranker here today to tell us what his best prank was. TO remain safe from all physical harm of teachers he is remaining anonymous

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Hi

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Hello Fred and George!

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And what was your prank?

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Well, I managed to turn Crabbe and Goyle's ears into bunny ears. And what's more is that they didn't even notice!

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Very good! Thankyou very much Seamus Finnigan of the Gryffindors!

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Hey! I'm supposed to remain anon!

And the moment you've all been waiting for! Fred and George's…

PRANK OF THE WEEK!

Thankyou our adoring fans! Anyway, this week's prank is to turn a certain, slimy professors robes into a pink, frilly tutu! Anyone who manages will win the honour of a lifetimes supply of detentions and the threaten of disembowelment from our very own caretaker Filch!

Thankyou very much! Please destroy this article after reading, as it will auto-destruct after ten minutes!

Yours insincerely and with lots of dungbombs

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Fred and George Weasley  
7th Year Gryffindors

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JOKES

All of us…wizards, witches, squibs or even professors, could always do with a few laughs. After all, the muggles always say 'Laughter is the best medicine'.

Now, school means strict professors and lots of homework. Of course, we get to see our, sometimes, annoying peers too. So, here are some hilarious jokes to brighten the prospect of classes and make all of you laugh till your sides crack. Without further ado, let's all have a look at some funny and entertaining lessons that occurred in Hogwarts some time back. (Identities will be anonymous so that no one will be embarrassed.) 

A professor asked her class:   
'Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?'   
Nobody raised a hand, so she called on the first student to look her way. 

The student stood up, oddly turning red, a sight no one had seen before.  
'How dare you ask such a question? I'm going to complain to my father, who will complain to the Professor Dumbledore, who will have you fired!'   
The Professor was shocked by the student's reaction, but remained undaunted.   
She asked the class the question again, and this time another student raised her hand.   
'Yes?' the Professor said.  
'Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye.'   
'Very good. Thank you.'   
The Professor then turned to the first student and said, 'I have 3 things to tell you: First, it's clear that you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed.' 

Annoyed by the professor of a certain class who liked to tell 'naughty' stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.   
The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began.' They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France.' The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door, led by the know-it-all of their year. 'Young ladies,' said the professor with a broad smile, 'the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon.'

A professor was boasting to his class one day. "I am proud to admit that I have made one of the most important discoveries ever. Having studied more languages than even Mr. Crouch has, I have found out that, in English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."  
He finished proudly and flashed his students a wide toothy smile, which disappeared as soon as a haughty voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

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Katie Bell

7th Year Gryffindor

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Classifieds 

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For Sale: 

One written in book of " Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them" third year book. Contact Harry Potter, 5th year Gryffindor. 

Snape's Teddy Bear. Simple as that. Contact Gred and Forge Weasley, 7th Year Gryffindor 

Seven whole pictures of Harry Potter sleeping, in potions, and in the Gryffindor common room! Also, a picture with his scar! It's cool! Contact Colin Creevey. 4th Year Gryffindor. 

One set of Dress Robes with Lace! Perfect with Girls, but not me! Contact Ron Weasley, 5th Year Gryffindor. 

1 broken wand. Wand has been spell-o-taped together for the best surprises. Trade your friend's wand for this one, it would be a great joke! See Ron Weasley 5th yr Gryffindor.

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Help Wanted: 

Assistant photographer. Must know Harry Potter really well! You well get to spy on him for me! Contact Colin Creevey. 

Be the first to see some of the wizarding world's greatest inventions! We need volunteers to 'help' us develop some of our latest ideas. Contact Fred and George Weasley 7th year Gryffindor.

Bids: Harry's broken watch- (Colin Creevey) Ginny Weasley- 2 knuts 

Transfiguration Tests- ( Fred and George Weasley) Ron Weasley- 1 gallion, Neville Longbottom- 5 sickles 

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Announcements:

Reminder: the restricted section of the library is restricted! It has come to my attention that certain students have been frequenting the restricted section with out permission. Madame Pince

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Personals:

Professor McGonagall has requested that we make the following announcement: Fred and George Weasley would like to publicly apologize to any Hogwarts students, professors, employees, or guests for any embarrassment or harm any of our little jokes may have caused anyone. 

We can only say that we intended to merely be a humorous diversion in these troubled times. We feel a moral duty to let everyone benefit from our talents. We will refrain from anymore pranks for as long as possible.

To TB: When are you going to ask me? CA

To whoever took my potions homework: Professor Snape will let me out of detention if I can turn in my essay by tomorrow. PLEASE return it to me. 

Elenor Branstone 2nd yr Hufflepuff.

To GW will you go to the Halloween ball with me? 

If yes please check here:

If no please check here: 

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Edit.: Neville, how will you ever know which one she checked? 

To HA (Hufflepuff): I think you're cute. Meet me at the lake after dinner if you want to know who I am.

To Hogwarts girls 4th year and above: In order to save my time I've decided to hold auditions to be my date for the Halloween ball next Tuesday at lunch. Bring a recent picture of yourself (preferably in something revealing) and an essay on why I should go with you. Draco Malfoy 

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Note: All right, well I know I should send this out in a staff e-mail but I am so insanely busy and tired and rushed that I thought I'd add it here because you all read it. Firstly, if I didn't include your article I am sooooooo sorry. You have no idea the hell I'm currently living in and I sincerely apologize. Secondly, I am sorry if the credit goes to the wrong person in this issue. I got snowballed under completely. 

Finally, the next deadline is: Friday 31st of May, Australian Time. Why so long? Because you need the time and boy oh boy, I need it too. If ANYBODY wants to write for the paper, just submit something and I'll be sure to include it in the paper and with much more organisation too. I really am sorry that this issue is such a shamble!


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